Twelve Days of Fast Fiction, Day 05: EARLY SUNDAY CHOP SUEY

Posted: 17 December 2014 in 12DaysFF, Christmas, fast fiction, fiction, writing
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Michael Moran is a writer whose particular purview is entertainment, which is fitting since he’s a vastly entertaining raconteur and a lovely bloke. His articles have appeared in The Guardian and The New Statesman, but his primary work is online these days. If you’ve not been reading 100 Books I’ll Never Write, you’ve missed out on some seriously funny writing.

Very few people know that Michael Moran spends four minutes of every day pot-holing.

Title: Early Sunday Chop Suey
Word: chartreuse
Challenger: Michael Moran
Length: 200 words exactly

The pleasant chiming of the first alarm clock ceased and, resisting the pull of duty, he pulled the thick blankets over his head. Seventeen consecutive early mornings, he groaned to himself. Seventeen. And another week of them still to go. The next alarm clock activated, a harsh, angry siren. His hand slid from under the covers and reached for the clock, his still asleep brain not quite communicating what it knew to his fingers. But as they touched the clock, he remembered: no snooze function, deliberately. The klaxon got louder on repetition, and louder again with every passing second.

He groaned again and threw off the blankets; his heavy fist hit the clock and silenced it.

He pulled himself upright and reluctantly sloped to the food waiting for him; the elves had chosen oriental this morning, he noted, and he spent the next two hours eating. And eating. And eating some more, his only pleasure arising from the barrel of chartreuse, which he drank by the pint.

Another week, he knew. Another week and he’d be back to fighting weight. Well, Christmas Eve weight anyway, he mused. He loathed this part, but tradition, he knew, was no respecter of preference.

© Lee Barnett, 2014

This story is part of The Twelve Days of Fast Fiction (More information on the Twelve Days here)
Day 01: This Lion Of Winter – challenger: Antony Johnston
Day 02: An Immense Pecuniary Mangle – challenger: Steven Shaviro
Day 03: Is The Pope Pregnant? – challenger: Matt Brooker
Day 04: Father Christmas Got Stuck – challenger: Bevis Musson
Day 06: Of Tinsel And Fire – challenger: David Baddiel
Day 07: The Man Who Could – challenger: Joanne Harris
Day 08: The Judge Disagreed – challenger: Rufus Hound
Day 09: Sweeping Up Shattered Chandeliers – challenger: Kirsty Newton
Day 10: Glorious Concatenation – challenger: Neil Gaiman
Day 11: Weaving With Angels’ Hair – challenger: Nick Doody
Day 12: Their Eyes All Aglow – challenger: Mitch Benn

“There are two hundred stories collected in this volume. They are funny, they are thoughtful, they are romantic, they are frightening. To me, though, they are more than entertaining. They are inspiring.” – Wil Wheaton, from his introduction to volume 2 of The Fast Fiction Challenge

Two volumes of The Fast Fiction Challenge, containing 180 stories in Volume 1 and a further 200 stories in Volume 2, for £3.00 each, are available in ebook format from the author; email for details.

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