55 plus 11: Please always remember…

Posted: 28 August 2019 in 55 plus
Tags: ,

I was researching earlier… no, that’s unfair. I was looking for something earlier. Something someone had written and I wanted the exact quote. And I knew I’d quoted him in something I’d written some time ago.

Y’see, some years ago, I was part of an apa (amateur press association) entitled Comicopia. And i have copies of all my submissions from the apa, so I was rereading them.

Before signing off every issue, I used to mention a lesson for life, often stolen, er homaged, from friends, tv series, or colleagues, usually along the lines of:

OK, that’s it for this issue, but before I go, please always remember that…

And since almost nobody here would have seen the pieces, and they deserve a wider audience, so are a selection:

Before I go, please remember that…
…when a member of the opposite sex says that they regard you as a sibling, it just means that they want to break things and blame it on you.

…it may well the early bird that gets the worm. But it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.

…before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you’ve got their shoes.

…talk is cheap only because supply exceeds demand.

…the Official Secrets Act is to protect officials, not secrets.

…people issue clarifications not to make things clear, but to put themselves in the clear.

…you’re not old if you can still remember to [note, remember to complete this before posting.]

…if all else fails, read the instructions. Then go get someone else to help.

…anyone who says that National Socialism is still socialism needs also to explain why you can’t melt dry ice and then go for a swim.

…nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

…power tends to corrupt and absolute power is pretty neat, actually.

…two can live as cheaply as one… for about half as long.

…it doesn’t matter if you talk to yourself. You should worry if you argue with yourself. Seek help if you’re losing the arguments.

…despite a recent survey revealing that men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, in the same survey women say the first thing they notice about men is they’re a bunch of bloody liars.

…a gossip is just someone with a great sense of rumour.

…there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

…a good pun is its own reword.

…laughter is the best medicine. Unless you’re diabetic, in which case insulin comes pretty high up on the list.

Something else tomorrow.

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