One guaranted reaction these days to someone tweeting or blogging, or even putting on Facebook, something they overheard is the inevitable
“it didnt happen!”
or
“never happened!”
There are twitter accounts devoted to claims that this thing being reported, or that anecdote, didn’t happen, never happened, that it was being tweeted for the retweets, or to get notoriety, or just to get some exposure.
Now I’m sure that some of them didn’t happen. Let’s get that out there.
I mean, whenever I see someone report something that, purely by coincidence I’m sure was entirely a justification for, or an example of, a previously expressed political view, I’m… sceptical, I’ll acknowledge.
Say… someone who loves the idea of Brexit, and has frequently complained that it’s taking too long…. says they overheard someone complaining that ‘they just won’t let it happen, the politicians should just get on with it! It’s taking too long’?
Yeah, I’m not wholly and immediately convinced that the report is strictly accurate.
Or, say, someone who loathes the current benefits system excitedly tweeting that they “heard people on the train saying how horrible it is…”
Again, not necessarily true. Could be. Might be. Might not be.
Or, say, something even less… heartwarming.
Say someone thinks all the reports of antisemitism inside Labour are smears, reporting they heard people at a coffee shop saying exactly the same thing. Or someone who thinks it doesn’t matter that Boris Johnson lies as easy as he breathes, saying that in the street they hear loads of people saying exactly the same.
Somehow, I’m able to withhold my immediate and complete acceptance that they’re repeating nothing but the unfettered truth.
Someone exaggerating on Twitter? Perish the very thought.
But all of these types of reportage are trying to suggest, are extrapolating to propose, that ‘the public’ think the same as they do. That the conversation they overheard was representative of a vast swell of public opinion.
That’s not what I want to write about today. Hell, that’s not what I want to write about any day.
No, what bugs me is the pissing all over the other type of ‘overheard…’
The silly. The funny. The odd. The bizarre.
Because what I don’t understand is people claiming ‘it didn’t happen’ when it’s not political, it’s just… odd, or funny. Or silly.
Because people, individually and in small groups, are odd and funny and silly.
And if you spend a lot of time in coffee shops, as I have, you do overhear people, as they tend to forget that others in the place can hear them.
And occasionally I, like others, will tweet an overheard bit that’s weird, silly, or just funny out of context. Not a whole conversation; a line or two. Because it’s fun. Not identifying the people in any way, not livetweeting an entire conversation, or the break up of couple. The odd line.
Taking a quick look through my blogs and tweets, here are some of my favourites.
I’ll put it in the diary
Just popped down to the car and overheard the following from two people walking past:
Person 1: You’re not serious?
Person 2: What? I’m just saying if Jesus was born on Christmas Day and died at Easter, then Christmas should come at the start of the year and Easter should come at the end…
Yes, that’ll work
On the Picadilly Line
“OK, but if anyone asks what you’re doing with a body, tell them you’re making a movie…”
Wait, what?
A selection of comments overheard from a group of what I presumed were either PR people or party organisers, sorting out a new Year’s Eve Party for a client.
“OK, well New Year’s Eve, we’ve got the fetish party thing. Who’s arranging for the cleaning afterwards?”
“Well, if we kill the project, do we have to kill the project originator as well?”
“Yes, I know sex sells, but who’d buy her?”
“Do we have to use green jelly? Can’t we use red for a change?”
“What do they mean when they say they weren’t happy with the ‘yuk factor’? Do they want more or less?”
And my favourite from that session:
“Well, tell her to go fuck herself. Oh, no you can’t, can you? She’s your mother…”
Mothers
Two weeks later; same coffee shop. Sitting on the next table to me were three people: a grandmother, mother and daughter, given the frequent exasperated mutters of “mother!” coming from the three of them, anyway.
Then the youngest fairly shouts out “I don’t believe it! I swear, it’s like living in a bloody soap opera being related to you two! I need a cigarette…”
And she walks towards the door very huffily.
And the two older women look very sheepish before the presumed mother says to her mother, “You just had to tell her, didn’t you?” only to get a ‘hard stare’ in return…
Einsteinian
Overheard on bus:
Person 1: …and that’s why time is relative.
Person 2: Yeah but the bus was late.
Always tell the truth
At the next table outside a coffee shop, young mum with small children.
Small boy: you’re lying!
Small girl: No, I’m not!
Boy: You’re lying!
Mum: Don’t accuse your sister of lying…
Girl: There was a dinosaur in the road
Coffee!
Again, outside a coffee shop, young mum with young child
Child: You can have coffee, why can’t I? Why? Why?
Parent: Yes, because right now, I need you more excitable.
Child. Yes! You do!
But this, this is probably my all time favourite:
Two women sitting on the table next to me:
Woman 1: I’m really sorry about last night.
Woman 2: That’s ok.
Woman 1: I just didn’t realise how late it was.
Woman 2: I told you, it’s ok.
Woman 1: But if I’d have known you were in bed with him, I wouldn’t have phoned.
Woman 2: Seriously, we didn’t mind.
Woman 1: Are you sure?
Woman 2: Yes. If anyone can call him late at night, it’s you. I mean, he is your husband…
erm, yes.
The ‘didn’t happen’ lot lead very anodyne lives, ignorant of silliness. And that’s very, very sad.
Anyway, something else tomorrow.
budgie's perch 